Come into my parlor...

...said the spider to the fly. i had no trouble, though, willingly walking into the Parlor steakhouse on the corner of 90th street and 3rd avenue, and i've been back several times. that's no surprise since i'm known for willingly walking into trouble when cajoled by a spider. there was no trouble here though, and fortunately for me, my folks didn't think so either. my mom, luis and my grandmother joined me and john for a brunch this past sunday and we all walked out happy and full. it's not any small feat to entice my grandmother into public eateries. whereas i'm happy to try anyplace for the sake of the experience, she's of the mind that there can't be anything better than home cooked food and her standards are high. at Parlor the decor is spartan, clean and sleek; but the food and service are lavish, and satisfying; a pleasure to the eyes and the palate. as always with repeat visits to restaurants i like trying something different so this time it was the lobster roll. it could have been a little bigger for the price; but not better for sure. the kumamoto oysters i had for appetizers were the star here though. beautiful, small cupped shells, plump and only slightly briny meat. i'm always fascinated by oysters because they are so beautifully ugly on the outside; and so luscious and opalescent on the inside. highly sculpted, fluted shells, crusted and rough. their insides adorned with gorgeous mother-of-pearl. and the pearls! its so amazing the perfect gem that an irritating grain of sand can produce. its testimony to the fact that bitterness and adversity in life can lead to beautiful, priceless creations. so much lovely art, memorable books, acts of valor and genius are the products of lives of misery and misfortune, strife and toiling against unimaginable odds. so be an oyster babies! take your lemons and make lemonade! if someone leaves a cow in your living room, milk it and sell the milk and cheese! turn your life's irritation into gems!

got served

it's been a very long time since i posted and i'm pretty sure that most of you, if you are indeed still out there, are starved to death. a-political as i am (not), i have decided to use the outcome of the election as a segue into what i hope will be a cornucopia of postings (not of the political persuasion rest assured). going against emily post, and every other etiquette guru, who advises that politics, religion and sex are the three things that should never be discussed in public i will now plunge headlong into the fray. i voted for obama and let's face it, i would have preferred hilary; but a democrat is as a democrat does and so i can only hope for the best. as i explained it to my mother, a staunch republican who this year voted democratic, ("i did it for you" she said) what we've been given is a chance. she warned me that "you won't have bush to blame anymore so let's see what obama will do", and i replied (in an equally accusatory tone, "it'll take longer than one term to clean up what that backwards, %^%#$^#*&, idiotic, &**#$$(^(*)!!!, lying, &#%^$#^!!!^&#, divisive, poor excuse for a leader, waste of human flesh, (*%&%$#^$@!!!!!!, will be leaving us with". for reasons which may be obvious to you we don't usually discuss politics at home. my grandmother, also a lifelong republican who voted party lines this year again, felt like she had to go to bed early when it was clear that the landslide would be, as one senator put it, of tsunami proportions. the electoral vote count AND the majority choice! when i saw indiana, ohio, florida and georgia go blue i almost plotzed; but virginia? hot damn!!!virginia hadn't backed a democrat in over 40 years!!! let's face it, the country showed a unity unparalleled in recent history. the only things we have all agreed upon this way of late have been that the economy is down the shit-tube and bush sucks (anybody see the approval ratings lately? way to go dubbyuh!) well, all history setting rhetoric aside, let's pray that the obama presidency will be the one to keep us as inspired as we seem to be and united as we should be. if the new administration can't get us all to the table to turn things around, then we'll all be served.
HAIL TO THE CHIEF!

GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATULATIONS TO PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA

table etiquette

you've heard it all too, i'm sure. "sit up straight, keep you elbows off the table, don't use your thumb to push your food onto your fork, make sure the napkin is on your lap, don't slurp your soup", blah, blah, blah. the one i always used to get from my mother had to do with using my spoon to eat with. one of my favorite dishes is picadillo, which is a ground meat dish, and one of my favorite combinations with this is to have it with white rice and black beans. i put everything into a bowl, mix it all together and eat it with a spoon. my mother always, and still does, rolls her eyes at me when she sees me doing this. trust me, you would love it. i love making picadillo, and actually think i make it better than anyone. but i wouldn't say this to my grandmother. anyway, here's the recipe for my picadillo, just make sure you don't share it with anybody else.

about 4 slices of bacon, chopped,
about 1 and 1 half pounds of ground beef, or beef/veal/pork mix
1 small onion, chopped
half of one red or green bell pepper chopped,
a few garlic cloves chopped,
a teaspoon of ground cumin
a teaspoon of ground coriander or fresh cilantro,
1/2 teaspoon of turmeric,
1 small can of tomato sauce,
about a dozen green olives sliced in half,
a handfull of raisins,
salt and pepper to taste.

cook the bacon and reserve,
use the bacon fat to cook the onions and pepper,
add the meat and cook completely while breaking down,
add the garlic, cumin, coriander or cilantro and turmeric,
add the tomato sauce and cook thoroughly,
add the olives, raisins, and cooked bacon, and salt and pepper.

serve the picadillo with white rice and black beans.

abuela's cooking

my grandmother is a great cook. she just turned 92 and is usually the cook when there's a dinner at my mom's. yesterday she made some of my favourites, a chickpea aka garbanzo soup, and rice with pork. she used pork ribs for the dish and it was sooooo good! of course, what cuban meal would be complete without homemade flan? it was sweet, and creamy and just the way i like it. as i've mentioned before, after we came to the united states we've always lived in the extended family way. my mother's parents always lived with us. this was until my mom married Luis, and i finally moved out of the house, and everyone had their own living spaces. my mom and grandparents were only living a block away from each other (the umbilical cord could only stretch so far), and then after my grandfather died my grandmother downsized her apartment and wound up moving to the same building, same floor, two doors down from my mom (it was like the umbilical cord just catapulted her back). they were spending so much time together that recently they decided to all move in together into a much larger apartment with more conveniences. they bought a great two bedroom, two bath in an elevator building so they don't have to deal with stairs, and have a dishwasher, and washer and dryer in the apartment.

THE RICE WITH PORK


THE CHICKPEA SOUP


THE FLAN

eat your heart out

it's an organ meat i don't have much familiarity with, although i have eaten chicken hearts and they are ok. when i was growing up in cuba my grandmother herrera had chickens in her backyard and sometimes she would just go out there, corner one, grab it by the neck and give a quick yank. the chicken would spend some time flopping around the yard before it just died from a broken neck and then began the plucking and cooking. i can still bring up the smell of the burning feathers. of course every single part of the chicken was eaten, including the heart, and sometimes there would be an egg inside waiting to be laid. nothing is as good as food that fresh. anyway, something made me think of the expression and i found that it is regarded as a re-phrasing of "this will eat your heart out" but generally implies that that you will be missing something essential, from the core. can you eat your own heart out? i guess if you are spitefull enough you could. which brings you to that other expression "cutting off your own nose to spite your face". but would you eat it? i can understand the vindictiveness behind it though. there's alot of guilt and regret being implied here, alot of baggage. some serious "couch time" anyway, the expression is also thought to be an adaptation of a 16th century phrase "eat one's own heart" meaning to suffer from silent grief; and is believed to have biblical roots in the phrase "to eat one's own flesh", used to describe an indolent, or lazy, person. jesus, how lazy could you fucking be you can't get to the fridge so you'd eat your own...what? in any respect, its an interesting phrase. here are some "heartfelt" songs to go with your offal.

JIMMY SOMMERVILLE


JANIS JOPLIN


BLONDIE


TONI BRAXTON

Glaser's Bakery

today my friend Lisa stopped by to drop off a fresh loaf of irish soda bread made at the local bakery where she works, Glaser's. this place has been a family owned business since 1902 and the current owner, and baker, Herb has already started making them in honor of the upcoming St. Pats. he makes great brownies, apple turnovers, all kinds of muffins and the absolute best cookies. mini linzer tarts, lemon meltaways, italian tricolors, and incredible chocolate and vanilla lace cookies. i'm not the kind of person, like my grandmother, who would rather eat dessert than a main course, but these cookies are like crack. no, seriously! if you're in the neighborhood you've got to stop by and try something. if Lisa, Terry or Rita are there tell them Tom sent you and they'll hook you up. it's amazing that in this day and age a family business like this can keep going. i like the idea of recipes being handed down that way. just like i've gotten from my family, especially my grandmother. although getting a recipe from my grandmother is really like flying by the seat of your pants. she'll tell you to add a "pinch" of this or "dash" of that, or "a few" or "some" or "a little" of whatever. you don't always get exact measurements and sometimes it's best just to watch how she makes something and walk away with a "feel" for the recipe. anyway, take a look at the Glaser's website from the link on this page, and OMG you have GOT to check out Terry's hair from like 10 years ago! Tell her you saw it if you stop by and watch her cringe.

John with Rita (in the middle) and Lisa


also, check out this JibJab video i made with John, Rita and Lisa in it, it's a hoot!

Don't send a lame eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

The Incredible Edible Egg

i love eggs. they're one of my favourite foods and one thing i love to make with them is a spanish tortilla. the traditional recipe is just onions, potatoes and, of course, the eggs. this is what's usually called a "tortilla espanola" but like so many peasant foods, it just depends on what you have on hand, as long as there are eggs. my grandmother used to make them for dinner with sardines and that was delish! this is my mother's mother who is going to be 93 this year and going strong. she cooks and cleans and reads everything and curses like i sailor. i lived with her, and my grandfather, most of my young adult life. as i said before, i'm latin, and alot of us believe in living in the extended family system. i'm grateful that happened, it really helped me to get to know my mom's parents well. my grandfather, the maternal one, died about 11 years ago at the age of 92. he and my grandmother were inseperable, they couldn't even get dressed without each other. he used to cook too, but not so much. although he did have a specialty, chatinos, also known as tostones, and nobody could make them as crunchy and perfectly fried as he could. anyway, the tortilla can be eaten for breakfast, brunch, dinner whatever. alot of times i just make one so i can have something quick to nuke for breakfast for a couple of days. traditionally they are also supposed to be fried on the stove top, which entails having to flip it somewhere along the way. this step takes a steady hand 'cause you could easily lose the whole thing but it's do-able. you could also just cook it in the oven, especially if your ingredients are leftovers (or as my family calls them "recyclables"), and then avoid the flipping step. i just made one with leftover spinach and potatoes. the recipe and pictures are below.

THE INGREDIENTS:
This was a small one, only 6 eggs; but with a 9 or 10 inch pan you can use 8 eggs.
there's also the wilted, fresh spinach (a leftover)
and the broiled potatoes (also leftover)
just scramble the eggs in a large bowl, add a little milk; but you don't have to (or cream or whatever dairy you like),
then just stir the leftovers into the eggs,
don't forget to salt the eggs, my grandfather used to say that anyone that ate eggs without salt would eat their own mother. nice, right?


put everything into an oiled/buttered/or non-stick pan and put into a pre-heated 350 degree oven. check it after 20 minutes if it's a small one like this, or it may take 30 minutes if it's larger. you can serve it just like this for the rustic feel or slide/flip it out onto a plate. just leave the pretty side up. enjoy!